I wrote on my Facebook page today the following message:
Today I sit in remembrancee of some one I lost 10yrs ago this day. If she had lived she would've been on her way to turning 103yrs old. A milestone that I see more and more these days at my job as a nurse working with the elderly. It would've been nice to visit her and wish her a happy day and tell her that I love her a great deal.
Due to the illness that lead to her death I said goodbye some time before it actually happened and when she finally did pass it wasn't the crushing blow it might have been but it still hurt because you can never truly prepare for the loss of a loved one.
Even though she was a petite woman of only 4ft.11 she was a powerhouse of a person that was loved and respected by all. I have many memories that make me laugh and cry, and I find that I cherish the memories of her more and more as the years pass.
Wherever your spirit is now Nonna I hope you are smiling down on us. As long as there is one of us around you will never be forgotten.
We love you.
We miss you.
As I was writing it I started to tear up with wonderful feelings regarding my Nonna (Italian for grandmother).
She died at the age of 92, less than a month before her 93rd birthday. At the time of her death she was 5 years into her dementia which had been triggered, we believe, by a stroke. Dementia and Alzheimer's are quite similar. Typically Alzheimer's has a slow progression and the beginning of it can be hard to determine. Dementia differs in the fact that it usually progresses quickly and the onset is easier to pin point.
Once she was back home after the stroke she appeared to be fine but little things started to happen that made the family start to worry. These little things multiplied and the family more concerned. Due to living in Victoria at the time I was not around for most of this so I can only go by the stories I have been told and from the times when I was there.
One of my saddest memories is sitting and talking to her and trying to tell her how I was doing and all the new things going on in my life. It was hard because she would ask me who I was every 5-10 minutes. If I referred to my self as 'Robert' then she would look at me with a quizzical expression and I just knew that she didn't know me. If I said my name was 'Robbie' then it was okay because she remembered.
With Dementia the patient starts to regress in their memories and they forget the present and the past becomes more real for them. As the Dementia progresses the farther back they go. At her worse she thought her own daughter was her mother. The hardest part is that as they forget who you are their emotions tell them that you are an important person to them and that makes it worse for the patient. They know you are a loved one that means the world to them but they have no idea who you are to them because the memory is not there.
Once it was obvious that my Nonna couldn't remember me I start my process of saying goodbye. Because I didn't live in the same city the geographical distance allowed me to put some emotional distance into my goodbye to make it easier. It was still hard though. I would go over to visit my aunt and she would give me updates on how it was going. My aunt would go to the nursing home 2-3 times a day to visit my Nonna because she wouldn't eat unless my aunt was there and in the end my aunt had to fed her. The whole process was especially hard on my aunt as she took the brunt of it all dealing with the decline of her own mother.
The end came one day with the advent of a seizure. I don't know the details but I was told that it was relatively quick. With the experience that I have in my 20yrs or so in health care with patients, epilepsy and seizures, I know that it can range from a matter of seconds to a few minutes. I does tend to be quick and the suffering short lived. Thankfully.
It is my hope that my Nonna went to her final peace with the knowledge that she was loved by her family.
I give thanks to her for the many things she taught and shared with me. My love of fresh, well made food comes from her, especially my love of Pasta! My love of my family and our heritage comes from her. Her strength is what helped hold the family together in some of the toughest times and it was her love that showed us how precious life was for all.
She was a remarkable woman that was quick to put you in your place if you ever did something wrong but she was also just as quick to show her love at the same time. She lived through much in her years and was always willing to share some of her wisdom that was gained along the way.
Ten years have passed and her loss still makes me cry but the memories are some of my most cherished.
Thank you Nonna.
I love you and I miss you!
