Drinking: been there, done that.

One of my mothers many vices and bad habits was drinking. I never thought she was an alcoholic when I was younger but she admitted to me once that she believed she was. She wasn't the only drinker in the family either, my grandfather and one of my uncles, on my mother's side, also enjoyed their frothy beverages at the end of a long day. My father's parents and siblings, being Italian, drank a bottle of homemade wine with dinner every night; wine with dinner was part of the cultural norm for them.

As a child you see your parents or other members of the family drink beers and the odd wine or spirits and think nothing of it because you don't know any different. My mom and her friends liked to party it up a bit once in awhile and they always seemed to have a lot of fun. I always figured that was the way things were done. It was considered a normal part of life. As a child I was sometimes allowed little sips of the beer or wine. At dinner with my Italian family I occasionally was given a small glass of homemade wine mixed with 7-Up. I know that many children of my generation experienced similar scenarios as they grew.

I was never a big fan of beer as a child. There was just something about the taste that I did not like. I didn't mind wine but I preferred white wines as they tasted better and didn't make me feel sick. I discovered later on that I am sensitive to the tannins in red wine which make me feel ill. When I was in my pre-teen and teen years my mother would take us to Sunday brunch at Pizza Patio. As part of the brunch you would get a glass of champagne cocktail which is pretty much just white wine with orange juice. I liked that. As I got older my mother would allow us to enjoy alcohol a little more. She was a smart parent and didn't flat out refuse us knowing that if she said NO we would do it anyway. She would engineer the situation so that if we were drinking anything alcoholic there was always a responsible adult around to watch us and keep us safe. It worked well until I turned 19 and moved out.

Once I was legal age I enjoyed going out with friends to the bars and clubs. In my early twenties I really got into the swing of the weekends cruising the clubs with my friends and drinking a fair amount. I was a shy young man back then and due to my introverted nature I needed the alcohol to loosen my up so I could enjoy the music, the dancing, and the atmosphere. It was the only way I thought I could enjoy myself. I was also coming out of the closet at that time and that made it harder for me to feel like I fit in anywhere. Alcohol for me was the great problem solver.

I never drank during the week, only on weekends. After a long week working I did what most any young man of time would do, I went out partying with my friends, got drunk and had a blast! I was one of the lucky ones I think. I was always a happy drunk, I never had any serious hangovers, and I remembered most of what I said and did through the night. It definitely saved my ass a few times. I never got into any fights, I never called in sick from work due to a hangover and I was never embarrassed by anyone because of something I said or did and then forgot because of a drunken haze. I am not saying I didn't do stupid stuff. I was like most any drunk young man out there. I said and did many stupid things but because I could remember it I was able to apologize the next day and make it all better.

My 24th birthday was the peak of my drunken days. I recall having a drink for every year I was old. I started around 8pm and kept going until the bar closed around 2am. I even went home with a six pack as one of my presents. I was so drunk that even with my glasses on I could not see more than a foot or two in front of my face with any kind of clarity. A guy that my BFF was interested in helped me home that night. If it wasn't for him I probably would have stumbled home. At the time I did not live too far and at the best of times could walk the distance in 20 minutes. As drunk as I was it most likely would have taken me at least an hour and it would also be questionable as to whether I would make it home at all. My friend's were rightfully worried that I would fall down somewhere passed out till morning or the police found me. It was summer time so being passed out on someone's lawn would not have harmed me much. Thanks to my BFF and her love interest I made it home safely and into bed. I slept all of 2-3 hours that night. I woke up feeling good and able to manage my day. Like I mentioned before, I rarely had hangovers.

After that night I came to the conclusion that I really didn't want to drink like that again. I felt that if I continued I would end up an alcohol like some of my family members; I enjoyed drinking too much. Around that time I was starting to learn who I was inside and I put a lot of my energy towards discovering the real me and learning to like and love that person. Coming out of the closet and being honest about my sexuality with myself and those around me was very freeing. That process helped me to realized that I did not need substances like alcohol to be free, to be the person I wanted to be in every day life. Something as simple as personal honesty does amazing things for you.

As my 20's progressed I cut back on my consumption of alcohol. By the time I was 30 I rarely drank and if I did I limited myself to 4 or less. My usual limit was 2. I used to drink white wine mostly but stopped when I started reacting to it and getting sick. I found that beer, wine and most liquor made me sick. I can drink wines if I mix it with fruit and juice, sort of like a simple Sangria but I usually ended up sticking to Vodka, it being my spirit of choice. Vodka doesn't make me sick. I also found that if I wanted to loosen up a bit then I would have a drink or two and switch to pop afterwards. The alcohol would start the good times a rolling and I could maintain it with the caffeine and sugars of the pop. By the time the night was over I was pretty much sober and when the sugar & caffeine rush ended I would crash and sleep was not a problem. It worked for me and to this day still does.

I went from hardcore borderline alcoholic to a social drinker. Now that I am in my 40's I have cut back even more. I am not a teetotaler, someone who abstains from alcohol, but someone that likes to go out a couple times a month to enjoy the company of my friends and drink a glass or two in moderation. These days it is all about moderation. Now if only I could moderate my food consumption in the same manner. That is a future blog entry.

Alcohol is a big problem in this world and I was fortunate enough that it didn't become a big problem in my life.