I was reading a Facebook status today and it brought to mind something I hear a lot of people saying all the time. I figured I would write a little rant about it!
Two people are having a conversation, one person talks as the other listens. The listener will often respond with "Yes", "No", "Okay", "Cool", "Nice", "OMG!", "Really!?" and so forth depending on the conversation topic(s).
The one response I hear too much of is "I know" or "I know, I know". It annoys me!
When someone is sharing their thoughts, emotions and experiences they do expect you to acknowledge them and provide empathy or sympathy, not a comment that claims you 'know' what they went through. Unless you have experienced the exact same thing, felt the exact same emotions and had the same thoughts; unless you have "been there, done that" in pretty much the same manner they did then you DO NOT KNOW!
Personally I find it condescending when someone responds with the "I know" phrase. I feel that a better response is "I understand". It shows that you are opening up your mind to listen, to try and put yourself in their shoes. It is true that you will not always be successful doing this but it shows you are trying.
Most use the "I know" answer because it is the common or automatic thing to say; it has become a regular part of our vernacular.
The problem I see is that when a phrase or comment becomes automatic then we have stopped thinking and started reacting thoughtlessly. A lack of thought in our responses to our friends in conversation shows we are not truly listening to what is being said as we are too focused on something else in our heads.
A good example happened a little while ago when I was up island with my boyfriend. My boyfriend's father was telling us all about the situation regarding his mother, my BF's grandmother. She is terminally ill and they were trying to organize and work out support care and to see if she could get placement in a care facility. My boyfriend Dan's father has taken charge of the whole thing and has been there since day one making all the necessary decisions. As he is telling us all about it, Dan repeatedly says "I know". He says it with that tone that gives the subtle message "You don't need to tell me as I know exactly what you're talking about". HELL NO YOU DON'T!
I found it quite disrespectful to his father when he said that each time. Dan does not live in the same community as his father or grandmother so he is not there that often. His family has also been doing their best to shelter him from a lot of the emotional stuff because Dan cannot handle it. All that his father was doing was bringing him up to date on things and seeking a little understanding and sympathy for the hardships they are going through; they do not need condescending, disrespectful comments from someone who does not know or will ever truly understand. What I found even more lacking in respect was that Dan would often interrupt his father with an "I know" comment. SHUT UP!
I could see his father was getting upset by this due to the pinched look on his face whenever Dan spoke up in that manner. I stepped in and suggested to Dan that he change his "I know" to "I understand" as it sounds more considerate and supportive. I also suggested that he stop interrupting all the time and listen. Allow the person to finish what they are saying before you respond. Give yourself some time to think before you speak as well. Dan just glared at me. His father smirked.
This is just one example that shows how people tend to not think before they speak. I am not saying I am innocent of this myself. Now that I am more aware of it I do take the time to formulate different responses that sound nicer and show that I am doing my best to actually listen to what is being said.
I think it is important to be more aware of yourself and how your act. Don't be just like everyone else. Be yourself, be honest, be respectful, be caring, and most of all - Be aware.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
Christmas 2012 was one to cherish!
Well here we are and January is already over. Wow, it is hard to believe that just over a month ago we had Christmas, then New Years and now Ground hog's day is just around the corner. Time is moving quickly with Family day ,our brand new statutory holiday, arriving soon with Valentine's day just a step beyond it. I think the February will go by quickly too.
But while we are contemplating the days passing us by quickly I thought I would take a moment or three and reminisce about my Christmas 2012.
I originally thought that it would be like many of my past Christmases in recent years; a nice relaxed enjoyable time that left me feeling good. Little did I know or even realize that this would be one of the best in recent history. This Christmas ended up being one that evoked memories of my childhood when I had some of the best times during the winter holidays that I can ever recall.
It started with all the usually plans and activities. We dug out of storage all of our decorations, assembled the tree and made the usual preparations for the family visits that happen every year. As always I look forward to the time when my uncle brings my grandmother to visit. Due to the geographic distance, work schedules and the expense of travel I do not see my grandmother as often as I would wish. Most every Christmas my uncle travels to Victoria to see his daughter & grandchild, his two nephews and brings his mother along so she can visit with her grandchildren and great grandchild.
For those of you who know the geography of British Columbia you will appreciate the effort my uncle makes to help each Christmas become one that involves family. My uncle Pat lives in Kamloops BC which is pretty much in the central part of southern BC. He travels East from Kamloops to Nakusp BC to gather up my grandmother, returns to Kamloops to pick up my aunt and the three of them travel all the way West to Victoria to see the grand kids. My uncle usually does this twice a year (Summer and Winter) for the benefit of all of us. When he does that it is like a birthday present and christmas present for me. I can honestly say the I appreciate my uncle for who he is and what he does. Family togetherness is as important to him as it is to me.
So let me get back to my story here. Things were shaping up to be the usual type of Christmas. My family was coming to town and my partner Dan's family was coming to town as well. The usual. What made 2012 reminiscent of my childhood years were two moments which evoked such wonderful feelings that I still smile when I think of them over a month later. One moment involved my family and another involved Dan's family.
The moment that involved my family was at the end of a particular evening visit. My uncle and I had made plans for him, Betty (aunt) and my grandmother to come over to our place for a visit, hang out, watch a movie and just enjoy our time together. We had a general plan for the evening and pretty much just went with the flow of things. We decided almost last minute to go out for dinner then come back to the house to hang out. Dinner was tasty and the movie we rented to watch at home was a good one. At home I spent the time watching the movie sitting beside my grandmother arm in arm with her enjoying every moment I had. As much as I love all of my family there is just something special about a grandmother that makes you want to cherish them even more. At the end of the evening when they were leaving it was a comment that my grandmother said that made my night something worth remembering for a long time. My grandmother thanked me for the invite and for making her time so enjoyable. It was her comment "I felt very comfortable and welcomed here at your place tonight." That simple comment was so heartfelt that it made my heart burst with pride and love for my grandmother. I felt pride because they liked the home I had with my partner and by being myself I had shown my family that they are always welcome at my place. I felt the love because my grandmother's comment showed her love and appreciation for me and my partner and the home we had created together that was open to those we cared about. I am an emotional sap at times so moments like this mean the world to me. It is moments of this nature that help to evoke all the best of the holidays feelings we all look forward to each year.
The second moment involved a whole day spent with Dan's family when they came to visit us. One of our plans for the holidays was to spend a day with Dan's sister Monica & her husband Julian, his niece Bella, his brother Jim with Ashley (Jim's girlfriend). They all arrived at our place on the 27th for a day of traditional family time - presents and a big dinner. Monica, Julian and Bella spent the previous night at our place so we could all sleep in and have a leisurely morning together. Once Jim and Ashley arrived we spent some time opening our presents with Bella playing the Christmas Elf handing out the gifts. Afterwards as everyone relaxed and played with their new toys I prepared our dinner. Ashley had provided a beautiful Turkey. The fixings to go with it were provided by Dan and I. Being someone who loves to cook I took it upon myself to prep our big dinner. I did accept some minor help here and there but when it comes to cooking I don't like a lot of people in the kitchen with me. The turkey turned out perfectly and the dinner spread was greatly appreciated by all of us. It was one of the best Christmas dinners I believe I have ever made. The overall time spent with Dan's family opening gifts, having dinner together and just enjoying our time with one another made it a Christmas that evoked many of my cherished childhood memories.
By being ourselves, having a good time and just making the most of what we have turned Christmas 2012 into one that I will cherish the memory of for some time. I look forward to future Christmases with family with the hope of creating and evoking wonderful memories.
 |
| Our 2012 tree |
I originally thought that it would be like many of my past Christmases in recent years; a nice relaxed enjoyable time that left me feeling good. Little did I know or even realize that this would be one of the best in recent history. This Christmas ended up being one that evoked memories of my childhood when I had some of the best times during the winter holidays that I can ever recall.
It started with all the usually plans and activities. We dug out of storage all of our decorations, assembled the tree and made the usual preparations for the family visits that happen every year. As always I look forward to the time when my uncle brings my grandmother to visit. Due to the geographic distance, work schedules and the expense of travel I do not see my grandmother as often as I would wish. Most every Christmas my uncle travels to Victoria to see his daughter & grandchild, his two nephews and brings his mother along so she can visit with her grandchildren and great grandchild.
For those of you who know the geography of British Columbia you will appreciate the effort my uncle makes to help each Christmas become one that involves family. My uncle Pat lives in Kamloops BC which is pretty much in the central part of southern BC. He travels East from Kamloops to Nakusp BC to gather up my grandmother, returns to Kamloops to pick up my aunt and the three of them travel all the way West to Victoria to see the grand kids. My uncle usually does this twice a year (Summer and Winter) for the benefit of all of us. When he does that it is like a birthday present and christmas present for me. I can honestly say the I appreciate my uncle for who he is and what he does. Family togetherness is as important to him as it is to me.
So let me get back to my story here. Things were shaping up to be the usual type of Christmas. My family was coming to town and my partner Dan's family was coming to town as well. The usual. What made 2012 reminiscent of my childhood years were two moments which evoked such wonderful feelings that I still smile when I think of them over a month later. One moment involved my family and another involved Dan's family.
The moment that involved my family was at the end of a particular evening visit. My uncle and I had made plans for him, Betty (aunt) and my grandmother to come over to our place for a visit, hang out, watch a movie and just enjoy our time together. We had a general plan for the evening and pretty much just went with the flow of things. We decided almost last minute to go out for dinner then come back to the house to hang out. Dinner was tasty and the movie we rented to watch at home was a good one. At home I spent the time watching the movie sitting beside my grandmother arm in arm with her enjoying every moment I had. As much as I love all of my family there is just something special about a grandmother that makes you want to cherish them even more. At the end of the evening when they were leaving it was a comment that my grandmother said that made my night something worth remembering for a long time. My grandmother thanked me for the invite and for making her time so enjoyable. It was her comment "I felt very comfortable and welcomed here at your place tonight." That simple comment was so heartfelt that it made my heart burst with pride and love for my grandmother. I felt pride because they liked the home I had with my partner and by being myself I had shown my family that they are always welcome at my place. I felt the love because my grandmother's comment showed her love and appreciation for me and my partner and the home we had created together that was open to those we cared about. I am an emotional sap at times so moments like this mean the world to me. It is moments of this nature that help to evoke all the best of the holidays feelings we all look forward to each year.
The second moment involved a whole day spent with Dan's family when they came to visit us. One of our plans for the holidays was to spend a day with Dan's sister Monica & her husband Julian, his niece Bella, his brother Jim with Ashley (Jim's girlfriend). They all arrived at our place on the 27th for a day of traditional family time - presents and a big dinner. Monica, Julian and Bella spent the previous night at our place so we could all sleep in and have a leisurely morning together. Once Jim and Ashley arrived we spent some time opening our presents with Bella playing the Christmas Elf handing out the gifts. Afterwards as everyone relaxed and played with their new toys I prepared our dinner. Ashley had provided a beautiful Turkey. The fixings to go with it were provided by Dan and I. Being someone who loves to cook I took it upon myself to prep our big dinner. I did accept some minor help here and there but when it comes to cooking I don't like a lot of people in the kitchen with me. The turkey turned out perfectly and the dinner spread was greatly appreciated by all of us. It was one of the best Christmas dinners I believe I have ever made. The overall time spent with Dan's family opening gifts, having dinner together and just enjoying our time with one another made it a Christmas that evoked many of my cherished childhood memories.
By being ourselves, having a good time and just making the most of what we have turned Christmas 2012 into one that I will cherish the memory of for some time. I look forward to future Christmases with family with the hope of creating and evoking wonderful memories.
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