I was reading a Facebook status today and it brought to mind something I hear a lot of people saying all the time. I figured I would write a little rant about it!
Two people are having a conversation, one person talks as the other listens. The listener will often respond with "Yes", "No", "Okay", "Cool", "Nice", "OMG!", "Really!?" and so forth depending on the conversation topic(s).
The one response I hear too much of is "I know" or "I know, I know". It annoys me!
When someone is sharing their thoughts, emotions and experiences they do expect you to acknowledge them and provide empathy or sympathy, not a comment that claims you 'know' what they went through. Unless you have experienced the exact same thing, felt the exact same emotions and had the same thoughts; unless you have "been there, done that" in pretty much the same manner they did then you DO NOT KNOW!
Personally I find it condescending when someone responds with the "I know" phrase. I feel that a better response is "I understand". It shows that you are opening up your mind to listen, to try and put yourself in their shoes. It is true that you will not always be successful doing this but it shows you are trying.
Most use the "I know" answer because it is the common or automatic thing to say; it has become a regular part of our vernacular.
The problem I see is that when a phrase or comment becomes automatic then we have stopped thinking and started reacting thoughtlessly. A lack of thought in our responses to our friends in conversation shows we are not truly listening to what is being said as we are too focused on something else in our heads.
A good example happened a little while ago when I was up island with my boyfriend. My boyfriend's father was telling us all about the situation regarding his mother, my BF's grandmother. She is terminally ill and they were trying to organize and work out support care and to see if she could get placement in a care facility. My boyfriend Dan's father has taken charge of the whole thing and has been there since day one making all the necessary decisions. As he is telling us all about it, Dan repeatedly says "I know". He says it with that tone that gives the subtle message "You don't need to tell me as I know exactly what you're talking about". HELL NO YOU DON'T!
I found it quite disrespectful to his father when he said that each time. Dan does not live in the same community as his father or grandmother so he is not there that often. His family has also been doing their best to shelter him from a lot of the emotional stuff because Dan cannot handle it. All that his father was doing was bringing him up to date on things and seeking a little understanding and sympathy for the hardships they are going through; they do not need condescending, disrespectful comments from someone who does not know or will ever truly understand. What I found even more lacking in respect was that Dan would often interrupt his father with an "I know" comment. SHUT UP!
I could see his father was getting upset by this due to the pinched look on his face whenever Dan spoke up in that manner. I stepped in and suggested to Dan that he change his "I know" to "I understand" as it sounds more considerate and supportive. I also suggested that he stop interrupting all the time and listen. Allow the person to finish what they are saying before you respond. Give yourself some time to think before you speak as well. Dan just glared at me. His father smirked.
This is just one example that shows how people tend to not think before they speak. I am not saying I am innocent of this myself. Now that I am more aware of it I do take the time to formulate different responses that sound nicer and show that I am doing my best to actually listen to what is being said.
I think it is important to be more aware of yourself and how your act. Don't be just like everyone else. Be yourself, be honest, be respectful, be caring, and most of all - Be aware.
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